Dichotomy of Decisions
I’m surprised I even opened my notepad to jot down my thoughts. I’ve been so lazy lately about writing. I wait for the perfect thought to drop in, the perfect plot line that can be structured to create a good article. And the wretched perfectionist in me does not allow me to half-ass anything and I sadly end up not writing anything instead. It’s funny how as a kid I thought perfectionism was my superpower and today I’m learning how to work around this flaw.
But, I digress.
Right now, I’m sitting in a 14-hour long Air India flight to India wearing two masks, sitting in a very uncomfortable seat with a non-functioning in-flight entertainment. With nothing better to do and no distractions to hide behind, I began jotting down my thoughts.
Deciding to go home to India during a pandemic and several visa formalities was a big one to take. It took me about 2 months of rigorous planning with tons of checklists and prioritising. I did manage to figure everything out but it was indeed a risky decision. I have always considered myself to be a conservative risk taker but I guess not. I do take some calculated risks. It’s interesting that we perceive ourselves a certain way without even stopping and paying attention to our actions which sometimes contradict our perceptions.
This flight journey makes me feel like I’m being illegally transported to India. Nothing works and my body hurts. So, I can’t help but wonder (again for the zillionth time) if this decision was the right one or no? I sat back to ponder on the thought a bit. So, in the future, I’ll consider this one a good decision if everything pans out well through and through. If even a small thing does not go my way, I’ll look back and regret the decision. But the problem with this retrospective is that there are a million things about the situation that are not in my control. Should one of those variables be the judge of how I perceive this decision? That doesn’t sound right. You make a decision weighing all the information you have at that point and try to make the most rational decision out of it. The results of any decision is decisively not in our hands.
It all boils down to probability and I have always hated it in Math class
So maybe, you shouldn’t put yourself through misery mulling over all the pros and cons. Especially worrying whether the cons take over. Prepare your best to reduce the probability of the cons playing out but ACCEPT that they’ll never boil down to zero.
This sounds bittersweet — the fact that we don’t have to get overly anxious about making decisions is nice but also that, being prepared a 100% does not guarantee a successful decision is traumatising.
But, the way I choose to feel better about it is two-fold — One, we’re not alone :) Everyone goes through the painful experience of making tough decisions, one way or another. While on this seemingly never-ending flight, I started chatting with a co-passenger. Firstly, it was amazing to have a meaningful conversation with a stranger after what seems like a century and secondly, it made me feel better about all the unknowns of my journey. The stranger on the flight started telling me about his own unknowns and I could see the slight concern on his face. I guess, both our human instincts kicked in and we inadvertently started pacifying each other about our situations.
So, turns out, we’re all on the same boat and as long as we’re fortunate to breathe we have to make some tough decisions along the way. No one’s spared.
Secondly, you can learn from your “bad decisions”. Instead of agonising over a bad decision and beating yourself up, think of it as a point collected for the future. You have one extra secret advantage when making your next big decision — you know what not to do which gets you closer to what you probably should do. Simple!
So stop procrastinating and make those decisions today — even the bad ones. Either way, we’re in this together :)
